Jay’s Question for You.

Today, Jay flips the script with a question for you instead… does how somebody disagrees with you and who that person is make an impact on what they have to say? Or is it only the message that matters?

17 Responses to Jay’s Question for You.

  1. nate says:

    im pre sure there should be a rule
    once you yell or start name calling you lose the argument and should be ignored.

    i mean cos you disagree with someone do you disregard general manners and common curtosy?

    dude i dont know how you can put up with these people being jerks. props to you cos i struggle with that big time.

    but yeah the polite and normal thing to do is take the person aside and explain your concern not to call there church a “Goat herd” lol

    im not sure what he expected to achieve with that blog…
    embarass you out of your conviction?
    the whole thing smells of bullsh*t to me.

    keep up the good work dude!

  2. joel says:

    I think as human beings its very hard to be insulted and not have it effect your response. When you are wronged it’s only naturally to want to do the same, but as Christians we are called not to. Insults only cause people to shut each other out.

    Jay, I admire your responses to many online. How you still respect people who openly insult you, because you know insulting back is not how to get a message heard.

    Personally, I feel that it’s best to disagree with someone, but say so in a way that is polite and respectful. Like you said, many times people can just say stuff directly and in an ‘I don’t care about you’ way. That’s a huge turn off for me. It’s like saying “I don’t care what you have to say. I don’t care to understand where you are coming from or why you think what you do. I don’t care about your experiences. I just know you are wrong.” That is the worst way to go about things. If you want to be heard, you have to respect the individual as a person. Even if you disagree with what they think 110%.

    I have never known a church, ministry or family that has caused a person to return and “repent of their wicked ways” by shunning or openly rebuking/insulting them. It’s just not going to happen. It may in fact just strengthen their views. I have, however, seen many examples of people (not always just Christians) loving/respecting those they disagree with and learning from each other. That’s how it should be. Mutual respect equals mutual rewards.

    Always Learning,

  3. GregC says:

    Marshall McLuhan said, “the medium is the message”. That applies here as well. When someone uses venom to express their disagreement with you, the venom is the message. In most cases the venom is about that person being worthy of something and you not.

    My view on grace vs works is different than yours. If I respect you, which I do, then I have to find a way to explain the difference in a way that respects you the person holding the view that is different than my own. That includes not showing off in front of your congregation with the goal of trying to make you look less than.

    And, you look quite dashing in your new suit.

  4. Jason says:

    It just seems weird to me that every preacher is against each other (or almost). I’m glad somebody wants to love everybody, just as Jesus asked us to do.

  5. Holly Jocoy says:

    GregC beat me to the Marshall McLuhan analogy, and put it very well, so let me add just a tiny bitm more:

    Remember a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down (Mary Poppins) and you catch far more with honey than you can with vinegar.


  6. terry rowe says:

    I have seen fights over where to put the information table at in a church. People can be so petty. When people say mean things like you referred to, that is not of God. The end result of a comment indicates the true value of the comment. If someone says you are a goat herder, there is no fair result. You are shot down and they gave no love to you. If they were right they did not help you and if they were wrong they did not learn. I don’t think you are a goatherder. I love what you have to say and I think you are reaching out with great love and heart. Thank you. Terry Rowe RFM internet ministries.

  7. I often find that it’s less the message and more the charge behind it that captures my attention and dictates how I respond. Love feels much different than fear. I notice that when I feel triggered, threatened, angered (basically any reaction that is contrary to the path I want to walk) if I can just pull back a bit and consider where the reaction is coming from, I can discern what is coming from me versus what I sense from that other person. And if it is from me, I have the opportunity to realign to my truest intentions.

    Similarly, if I do sense someone is reacting in a triggered, threatened or angry way, if I can remember that they are probably just reacting from fear, it makes things much easier for me. I learned this from horses. When you react to fear with fear it just creates this exponential fear cycle. (And when that cycle of fear involves hooves and teeth and a thousand pound animal, it’s a lesson that bears learning quickly.) The antidote is love and it works with people too.

    The quick version of my spiritual practice: treat em’ like a horse. With the same kindness, respect, and love. I just imagine that they’re scared and love on em’ big time.

  8. Di65 says:

    Hi Jay, I’m one that goes with the old “agree too disagree”..give you an example, i have a very good friend that is atheist and even tho she does not believe or agree with my following Jesus, and i dont agree with her NOT following Jesus ha ha, we both have learned to accept each other for who we are , we may get in discussions but we dont let it go to far to where is causes us to argue, and we can walk away still being friends and love each other..
    There are times i get offended by what some Christians say about the way i practice my faith in Jesus and im going to hell because im gay and have a girlfriend…over the past few months ive gotten to the place where i dont let it bother me anymore, i know my relationship with Jesus and i know Jesus loves me no matter what, because He has proven to me just how much His love for me is real…usually if someone said things like that to me , I’d get angry and cry and complain, but now i just pray for them and let them know that i have no ill feelings toward them and i love them and ask God to bless them..most of the time i get no response to that but at least i know ive done what Jesus would want me to do and that is love the person , pray and ask God’s blessings upon them…i still have some work to do within ha ha but im getting there and it feels good to be able to love those that really dont like me for whatever reason….about the “goat herd” i saw that on twitter and i guess im part of the goat herd now ha ha ..It really does take alot of practice to love those that dont love you, its never easy but with Jesus it gets better and its so much easier to love people than to hate them, or to have ill feelings toward them…Jesus is love and He loves us no matter what , and thats all that matters…we must keep loving , praying for and blessing those that dont agree with us and those that show hatred toward us..That’s the Jesus way πŸ™‚ …Love ya Jay & Revolution Church, you guys are my family and im so happy for that…

  9. Jamie says:

    Hi Jay,

    Thanks for posting this, because it was so relevant to an experience yesterday. When asked of an opinion by one person about “being saved.” I offered up my feelings and when others critiqued my beliefs, without offering theirs I immediately felt like it was a personal attack on my soul and instead of listening to some of their reasoning I went into a defensive debate about my beliefs.

    When people debate it only implies that someone is wrong, we need to have more conversations and less debates.

    Thank you

  10. james hodges says:

    wow thank you jay for the question… i dont know that i really have an answer to it but for some reason this verse was put on my heart, colossians 4:5-6…i dont know that that was what you were talking about but thats what the lord put on my heart! anyways keep up the awesome work! i love you and you ministry!!

  11. Lisa Harrington says:

    Hey Jay-
    What a timely question to us! I am a high school teacher who has a class with students from all walks of life. They vary in race, socio-economic status, sexuality and, well, like the rest of us in the world, they vary. At times, opinions are shared and a class discussion will evolve. One such time was when Prop. 8 was in the limelight! The opinions that flew…Lord have mercy. Long story short, what it boils down to is respect and as a teacher, it’s a lesson I feel is the most important lesson they leave my class with. We can have a difference of opinion and still co-exist. LISTEN! We all need to listen to each other and NOT expect everyone to embrace our beliefs. God gave us free will…why do we as humans try to control that? “And they’ll know we are Christians by our Love” right? So we just continue loving…and people will see that and be attracted to that and want to know how to get what we have. Insults will not get anyone anywhere.

    Thanks for being you, Jay. You rock!


  12. Kirk says:

    I hope the rest of the wedding day was a blast, Jay! Here’s my two cents in the conversation:

    When it comes to significant scriptural and theological disagreements, or any disagreements, I would say, I think we have to measure what we do and say by the overall message of the Bible and by what Jesus identifies as the two most important (and not separable) rules

    Overall message: God creates — we mess up — God reconciles — we mess up . . . .
    God is about reconciling — building relationship — we are the ones who seem to always tear things down – and God responds with more reconcilitation.

    The two big rules — Love God. Love Everyone.

    Oh — and dance πŸ™‚

  13. KyleD says:

    Jay, I been listening to your podcast for quite some time. Keep up the GOOD work. As to the question(s) you posed I can offer the following. Although I was told at an early age and should have known, I have had to learn the hard way that we can learn something from everyone, no exceptions. Having said that, I know that the way that someone disagrees with me does have an impact on what they have to say at that time. I do however, usually process what is said outside their presence and try to see the truth or lack thereof if what was said. Do I acknowledge that . . . depends on how much pride I have that day! Be Blessed

  14. As much as people try to focus on the message, and that should be what ultimately matters, sometimes it is hard for people to rise above the superficial and the petty. It is human nature to take disagreements or opinions personally, even though you may have the maturity to rise above those feelings. One thing that should be considered when speaking with someone personally or as a group, is to also be respectful of that person and their opinions. It may be hard to do, but if we want people to not judge us, we need to extend that same courtesy to others. Be the better person and rise above! I need to keep this in mind many times when dealing with people who rub me the wrong way, and it doesn’t always work! As humans, we are always evolving, and personality conflicts will always exist, but it is up to us as individuals to display respect and kindness to those who may not be very likeable, regardless of their message.

  15. Michelle from California says:

    Nice suit! I think that is difficult for us as human beings to have a respectful conversation when the other person is being disrespectful, it’s very hard to turn that ship around and not get your back up. I know I lack the patience for it and I would like to be better with this. I think that I miss out on a lot of interesting discussions with some of the people in my life for fear of causing or taking offense. I just want to avoid conflict, that’s due to my upbringing. Being a vegetarian and a Christian are things that people seem to have an easy time mocking and I’m not sure why that is. I can’t imagine doing that to another. I am imperfect and not always a kind or easy person to be around, but I want to do better, maybe part of that is gently opening the can of worms and being loving and respectful, no matter what. Thanks for what you do Jay, you fill a void that needed to be filled!

  16. Michelle says:

    Hi Jay,

    Great question! I admire your ability to engage with people who can be quite cruel with name-calling and so on. I have friends who disagree with my very liberal views and we respect each other and have lots of fun. This makes me much more sympathetic to their views than I would be if they acted pompous or dismissed me because of my views. I learn from them and they learn from me and we each become more tolerant in the process.

  17. Raven says:

    Hi Jay,
    Thank you for your Q&A this week.
    I understand how it is to be criticized harshly.
    The only way I handle that kind of criticism is to see Jesus in them. I find I can’t be angry with them when I see them that way, and respect for their opinion–well, I tend to have greater respect for them.
    It sometimes is hard, however it removes the fear and the pain that can be inflicted by their words and sometimes–their actions. I try to see Jesus’ presence in them, and I find myself in a heartfelt place that feels great love for them, rather than fear and anger.
    Jesus told us to love one another. He also showed us that Perfect Love hasn’t any fear. He is Perfect Love. If he can do it, I can certainly do it through Him. Jesus’ love has shown me one thing: I can live in Love or I can live in fear. I choose Love. That is where He is, and I am happy being right there.

    Thank you for Revolution. Your ministry brought me back to Jesus.
    Be blessed in His Love.

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